There is nothing wrong with missing or grieving for a loved one who has passed on. Yet when the sadness and grief adversely affects you, it becomes a hindrance to enjoying your own life.

Releasing grief, loss or other related feelings is our right as human beings and it never means sullying the memory of the dearly departed nor does it mean forgetting them.

In my experience I have found that a possible unrecognised advantage to holding on to grief can just be to remember – it is just when in the thick of the emotion that we may not know how to appreciate a loved one’s memory without that accompanying feeling of loss.

I can help you release grief and loss naturally and respectfully with Reference Point Therapy (RPT).

RPT takes a different approach to this: I actually encourage you not to talk about the person(s) in question, rather explore how feel when you think about him / her / them in question. In a respectful and confidential space, together I help you to explore the underlying physical (body) instinct or behaviour that goes with the feelings. I assist you in consciously recognising the feelings, instincts and behaviour that go with the loss or grief you are experiencing.

You can then live with the memory of those no longer with you, without the sadness or shock that used to go with it. What better way to honour a loved one?

Naturally you’re disappointed, annoyed and generally fed up. You might spend the rest of the day in a bad mood and have probably lost interest in doing anything constructive in the office at all and it even ruins your evening once you get home. So not only did the boss knock you back, it’s even affecting life outside work.

You may currently love your job (despite the boss) though feel like you are thwarted in what you want to do, there is a solution to your problem.

How do you feel when you are not listened to, your world beating plans denied or ignored? You get angry, frustrated and downhearted. How does that feel? What can you do about it? You realise you feel this way a lot and not just at work.

If a similar situation has ever happened to you, I have a solution to your problem. The anger or upset you feel is a benefit to you: though you may not even realise it. If it comes up time and time again, the best question to ask is, “what does this issue do for me?”

Reference Point Therapy, RPT, helps you to find the answer and origin to this question. It helps you to find the original cause of your problems easily and quickly. What is the bodily instinct that goes with that anger you feel? Perhaps being angry helps you to be recognised, so you are not just cruelly ignored. Or alternatively, when feeling angry, you may want to run away and hide or even lash out at the boss, to protect yourself – and your own interests. Is this all because you got angry at work?

Rather than working on the problem’s symptom (angry at the boss) or healing the traumatic experience (your ideas are ignored), RPT goes deeper by resolving the instinct (wanting to run away and hide) that holds your traumatic experience in place: the problem is a symptom of the traumatic experience or event.

An RPT consultation is a simple, relaxed conversation which resolves the problem, and the feelings and emotions that go with it, for good. I won’t ask you to relive all of the awful experiences, instead I guide you to feel the unwanted feelings, emotions and reactions that come up; you can then be free of them. The changes are usually instant and measurable during the consultation.

As a result of the session, you may find your reactions to people and situations are different. At the next time you see the boss for example, they may behave differently towards you or your feelings towards them may have completely changed. Who would have thought that hating the boss could bring about such an amazing transformation?

Originally written for The Lotus Centre blog in August 2011.

RPT’s main site is being relaunched during August and you can learn the technique for yourself on my latest course on 14 & 15 August in Wargrave, Berkshire.

I have made phenomenal progress on myself using the new technique in the short time that it has been updated and you can read an example of this on a previous post.

Book before your place on Reference Point Therapy level 1 with me before 1st August and save yourself some money: you can find out more on my website or go to the main RPT pages.

Through frequent walks in and around the village where I live, I had eventually found a picturesque route I would enjoy running through; the monotony of the gym and treadmills had finally become too much and of course, in the period of almost zero cardiovascular exertion was now irrelevant. The route would always pose a problem for the unfit though, as within moments of running, there is a steep hill lasting 1/3 of a mile. Writing that down does not look as hard as it actually is though believe me, it feels like it is. Thereafter it is a beautiful 4 miles past fields and fabulous houses, coming back on a loop to run back down the steep hill again.

So it is now mid July and I will admit that at the start, despite the new trainers and a beautiful vista it was daunting. This was particularly as I had not been for a run during December, January and most of February, my excuse being the snow and ice – who could blame me?

Despite the dread, I began in earnest and used my tried and tested alternative healing therapy which I teach and practice on others. Within moments, the dread went and I got through the sheer pain, reluctance and irrational fear of doing the run. I now go out at least once per week and love doing it, to the point that I can now meditate whilst running!

The blessed hill is still steep and the legs are burning by the time I get to the top, less than a mile in, though I actually feel the gain without the pain of moving my body.

I am running a special series of workshops this summer, one module being overcoming mental / emotional blocks to exercise and fitness. If you want to love moving your body and lose the pain, check it out.

Now in its streamlined, faster and more effective form, RPT is the world’s fastest alternative healing technique. Part inspired by the work of Grant McFetridge’s Peak States, it differs from other techniques that is does not seek to fix anything, drawing from Mahatma Gandhi’s adage “be the change that you wish to see in the world“.

By simple being present with a client’s condition, great changes occur, which can be measured before and after a session. It is more aligned with the Buddhist philosophy, to severely paraphrase it, that suffering (which here could be interchanged with trauma or symptoms) is permanent until it is recognised. The cause of all upset / trauma is a misaligned reference point (aka an association) of our very own base needs in life.

I was so inspired by Simon and Evette’s work last spring that I invited them to teach their courses in London. Even by reading about his discovery, I felt changes unlike any other healing technique I had experienced before.

RPT training consists of 3 levels, culminating in the 12 day transformation that is Mastering The Miraculous. I am now licensed to teach levels 1 and 2 – I taught my first course during March this year.

It is so simple to learn and gracefully easy to practice on yourself as well as others.  Find out more  and learn it for yourself on my level 1 course this August.